I'm Already Torn
by zayanatlin
Summary: Maya was broken, and falling through the cracks of her own life. Miles didn't notice, Tristan didn't care. She won't talk to Zig and it kind of hard for Tori to help from so far away. But that won't stop Tori and Zig from trying their hardest to get the Maya they knew and loved back to who she used to be. Rated T for Language.
1. Prolodge

**A/N: Posting my Zaya story on here because it appears that the Degrassi fandom doesn't read fanfiction on Tumblr. (Speaking of Tumblr, follow me! ) I'm hoping to update every Wednesday, but of course.. other commitments might get in the way of updating every week but I'm hoping I'll be able to.**

Ever since Cam had died, Maya had been a total mess. After everything she and Zig had said to each other behind the school, however, Zig thought things might start to get better.

Then she came back from Paris.

Zig had no idea who this Miles guy was, and- frankly- he didn't care. Deep down, Zig was aware that it wasn't the other guys fault, and it wasn't his fault either. It certainty wasn't Cams.

This was all on Maya.

Those pictures that circled around the school was all it took to get a very concerned Tori on the phone.

"What the hell!?" Was the single greeting Zig received.

"Nice to talk to you too, Tori." Zig sighed. He had a strong feeling that he knew what this was about, but... he wanted Tori to say it. To blame him, beg him to control her better, the lot.

What nobody knew was how Tori really felt about everything that went down between her, Maya and Zig. She hadn't even told Tristan. But the day before she moved- which a had been sprung on her the day school let out, she'd been completely caught off guard- Zig had glanced out the window to see Tori Santamaria standing on his porch.

He honestly thought she was going to yell at him, for everything that he'd done to her. And, he had to admit, he did deserve it.

But that wasn't the case at all.

"Take care of Maya, Zig. She'll need a friend." Tori said once Zig asked her why she was there.

"She has Tristan," Zig was confused. He knew that Tori seemed to have accepted his apology in French class that day, but yet he also didn't ever expect her to speak to him again. He'd really hurt her, despite his best intentions.

"No offense to Tristan, but he's not going to be what she needs right now." Tori shook her head, dark curls bouncing. "I was best friends with Tristan for years, and he's too self absorbed for this sort of thing. She needs YOU, Zig. You'll be the best person for this."

"You're putting a lot of faith into somebody who you have no reason to trust." Zig didn't think he'd ever be able to forgive himself for cheating on Tori.

"That's exactly why I do trust you, Zig. I know that you wanted to throw yourself into everything with Maya, but you didn't. You did what was best for her, not yourself."

If Tori only knew.

But instead of telling Tori the truth, he'd just agreed to watch over Maya. He'd figured it would be easy, what with everything they'd talked about. Apparently, that wasn't the case.

So here he was, a royally screwed up Maya, a fancy boy douche bag that he didn't want to give the time of day and to top it all off; a pissed off ex-girlfriend on his ass.

"I'm sorry," Zig figured starting off with an apology would work best. But, Zig had obviously be wrong before. Why start being right now?

"Not interested. ZIG! You promised to help her!"

"How am I supposed to do that when she won't even talk to me?" Yelling at Tori probably wasn't going to help the whole "pissed at him" thing, but really- what WAS he supposed to do? Because if Tori had any suggestions, Zig was all ears.

"I don't know how you're supposed to fix this, Zig, just DO it." Tori snapped "or I'm coming home!"

With that, Tori hung up and Zig was just as confused as he was before the phone call... and even more afraid.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm hoping to update every Wednesday, but of course.. other commitments might get in the way of updating every week but I'm hoping I'll be able to. Song is Moments by One Direction. Sorry guys, it totally slipped my mind that I should be updating today, so it's just kind of a filler. BUT looking into Maya's mind is going to become important, I promise. **

Maya slammed the door to her room shut, angry and bitter that she's home, wishing she never had to come back to the place with all these memories she didn't want to face.

She puts in her headphones, playing the One Direction song she'll never admit to listening too.

_shut the door, turn the light off, i wanna be with you._

How did things get so screwed up? She'd had so much going for her, then Cam died, then she went to Paris. Maya knew she was being crazy, and nothing she was doing made sense to anyone.

But she also didn't know how to fix that.

_if we could only have this life, for one more day. if we could only turn back time._

What would Maya do if she could turn back time? Would she be able to save Cam, or was that part of her destiny? Something that was always meant to happen to her, something that without it happening she wouldn't end up with her soul mate.

As much as Maya wanted to not like Zig, she couldn't help herself. He made her feel good about herself, even when she had nothing good going for her.

She needed to calm herself down. She knew she wasn't ready for a relationship, not with Zig and certainly not with Miles. Music was what she needed to focus on, and her friendship with Tristan. It was wrecked enough as it was.

Maybe she needed to try and get Whisper Hug together again. Well, her, Zig and Imogen... considering that's all that was left.

_I'll find the words to say, before you leave me today._

Katie was gone, off to college and pretending she wasn't breaking over Jake. It seemed to be a Matlin girl thing, make yourself busy to the point of a mental breakdown rather than face what you were actually feeling.

Of course, they were different kinds of busy. Katie becomes even more super girl, becoming all Greenpeace and saving the world.

Maya sort of becomes a slut.

_and the tears stream down my face_

She felt as though, maybe she should apologize to Zig... she lead him on, in the worst way. She did like him, a lot. More than she could ever explain.

She was always positive that he didn't want to hear anything she had to say. Not anymore.

_you know i'll be, your life, your voice, your reason to be, my love, my heart, is beating for this, moment in time, i'll find the words to say, before you leave me today_


	3. Chapter 2

Maya rolled her eyes and hurried down the empty hallway. One of the worst parts of not being able to sleep is that you also can't wake up if you do get to sleep.

So Maya was late for first period again.

"Why so glum, chum?" Imogen Moreno jumped up to Maya, a smile on her face. "Somebody's late for class."

"So are you," Maya pointed out, not wanting to answer Imogen's original question.

"Nope, got a spare." Imogen smirked. "That's the bonus of only needing two credits."

"You wouldn't be here at all if you had passed the first time," Maya muttered under her breath. She wasn't exactly sure why she was being harsh to Imogen, whom had never been anything but nice to her since the day they met. Imogen had gone through some really messed up shit recently too, and maybe that should make Maya feel closer to her but it didn't. If anything, it made Maya want to stay as far away from her as possible.

"Have you seen Zig recently?" The words that came out of Maya's mouth literally shocked her. She'd managed to go all summer without saying his name. Why now, since she'd gotten back to Degrassi, was he literally all she could think about It wasn't fair, she wanted to put everything with Cam behind her... And Zig was a big part of that.

"Uhm, not since Adam's memorial thing. I'm pretty sure he was only there for a he couldn't handle any more death."

Well, Maya certaintly wasn't one to disagree with remembered when she found out about Adam's accident, and that he'd died. All she could think about was how reckless all boys seemed to be... Adam, Miles... Cam. The only boy Maya hadn't found to throw himself into situations without thinking them through was Zig.

And that was thing time Maya let herself think of Zig since he told her that he'd wait for her. It's not like she didn't believe him, she knew he would. That was the bad part, because if Maya admitted it to herself- she didn't think she and Zig could be together. She was too messed up for him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Imogen asked, causing Maya to jump. She'd completely forgotten she was there.

"I don't think they're worth a penny"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxx

"Novak, what are you broading about now?" Damon smacked his hand into Zig's locker door, causing the darker haired boy to jump and swear at his long time friend.

"I swear if you're still thinking about that Matlin girl." Damon took Zig's emotion-fill sigh as a yes. "Dammit, Novak, you gotta let it go! She's not worth the constant bitching you do."

"I'm not constantly bitching," Zig argued weakly, because he was pretty sure that he did complain to Damon about Maya alot this summer.

"Bro, you're always moaning about that girl and I don't even get it... It's not like she's all that hot." Damon shurgged. "Now, if it was Tori, I'd get it."

"Shut up, Damon."Zig growled, brushing his hands through the fringe of his hair.

"Fine, if you agree to start going after other girls again." Damon agreed, a smirk on his face.

"I told Maya I'd wait for her," Zig replied in a voice that greatly resemebled Eeroye from Winnie the Pooh.

"You're coming out with me tonight. I know the perfect girl for you, Novak. You'll thank me later."


	4. Chapter 3

"I don't want to do this," Zig groaned as Damon showed him the way to a table.

"You promised you'd give it a try, Novak. Damon said, crossing her arms across his chest.

"I didn't promise you shit." Zig muttered under his breath, but followed him to the table in the end.

The girl sitting at the table was certainty no Maya Matlin. With long brown curly haired and bright emerald green eyes, she smiled and held herself as though she'd never had a care in the world. Zig went with the suspicion that she was usually the dumper, not so much the dumpee. She also seemed like the type of girl who wouldn't put up with cheating, no matter what the situation was.

In other words, not exactly the girl for Zig Novak.

"Zig, this is Carla Payne. I met her when my parents and I went to visit my grandparents over the summer." Damon said slightly, a blush coming to his cheeks. Zig did vaguely remembered Damon telling him about a girl that he'd met. But hadn't Damon told him that he had had a thing with that girl?

"Hi!" Carla said sweetly, throwing her arms around Zig before he even had a chance to move. Okay, this girl was reminding him more and more of Tori with every second.

Speaking of Tori, Zig would have to remind himself to answer one of Tori's hundred messages. She was getting tired of him ignoring her. It was just that he didn't have any news- at least not any good news.

"So did you move here, too?" Zig found himself asking casually, not noticing the blonde figure slipping away from their table.

/

Maya stepped outside to get a moment of clearance before heading back inside to met up with Tristan and Miles.

She hadn't wanted to go with them, she much rather would have stayed inside and listened to loud music and drown in her own sorrows. However, Tristan wouldn't let her do that. Not because HE was being a good friend, but because he wanted somebody to stop from blurting out his feelings for Miles in his presence. As though Miles didn't already know.

Seeing Zig hugging that girl was a rude wake up for Maya. She'd taken too long, her time had run out. Zig was tired of waiting for her, probably because she'd been avoiding him, and now he was moving on. Which was good for him, he was better off without a mess like her in his life.

Maya sighed and turned to head back into the building. If Zig was fine with dating somebody else, then so was she.

/

As the night came to a close, Zig walked Carla part way to her house, stopping in front of the Degrassi bus station.

"You know, I didn't expect to have a much fun with you as I did." Zig admitted. He really hadn't had high expectations in this blind date, but it turns out that Carla was actually a really awesome girl. More his type than Tori ever was.

"Well. then I have to admit that I didn't either." Carla smiled. "I was nervous when Damon said he was hooking me up with somebody. I sort of thought it was some misguided plan to get me to go on date with him again."

"So, you guys did have a thing?" Zig asked, brushing his hands through his hair, wishing that he hadn't cut off his fringe.

"I guess you could say that. He was more into me than I was him. Not that he's not a great guy or anything." Carla turned and smiled, playing with a single curl that had fallen too close to her face.

Zig smiled back at her, and for reasons he couldn't even explain to himself, he leaned in and kissed her.

The kiss was soft and simple, lasting only a few seconds... but it was enough for Zig to know that he'd officially broken his promise to Maya. The worst part was that he didn't even feel as bad as he should.

Carla smiled at him again.

"I could walk you all the way home.. you know, if you want." Zig shrugged at least twice throughout that sentence, and knew his face was bright red.

"No, that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow though." Carla supplied, giving Zig a quick kiss on the cheek before walking away.

"I guess that explains why you haven't been answering my texts." Zig whipped around at the eerily familiar voice.

Tori Santamaria stepped out of the bus station, with a sly smile on her face.


End file.
